Tuesday, April 21, 2015


These pics are so hard for me to post but I wanted to share my story and my journey from the past couple of months. I haven't been active on this blog because I've been through a tough time lately. And now I'm ready to tell my story. 
In September of 2014, we got one of the biggest surprises of our lives when I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd baby. We totally weren’t expecting or planning for it but we quickly got excited and laughed about how big our family was about to become. So we started planning for our future. We bought a bigger vehicle, went through old baby clothes wondering if it was going to be a boy or girl, took pictures of my growing belly, hung up our ultrasounds after hearing the heartbeat. I started to feel the baby kick and move pretty early on. It’s always the most amazing feeling in the world. I was going to be a mom of 3, I couldn’t believe it!

I had a pretty rough pregnancy, the first 3 months, I was extremely nauseous with morning sickness 24/7. It was so awful, I could barely get out of bed. Finally in the 4th month, in the 2nd trimester, I started to feel better. I started to get that “pregnancy glow” and my belly was proudly on display. Things were looking up and I was almost halfway through my pregnancy. We were over the moon! And then it ended…..

On Dec 31, 2014, when I was 19 weeks pregnant, almost 5 months along, we lost our precious baby. We woke up on New Year’s Day 2015, heartbroken, empty and with the most enormous, stabbing, painful grief I could NEVER imagine.
I cried. Every single day. I still cry. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my entire life. 
Depressed, broken, grieving, numb….for weeks I just sat. And whenever I looked in the mirror, I would cry some more. With every pregnancy, you gain weight. Well, I did. And it made me even more depressed because I had no baby to show for it.
After about 3 weeks, I looked over at my husband and said, I need to do something. I need to dive into something that will take my mind off of this because if I don’t, I’m going to go into a downward spiral and I have 2 kids and a husband that still need me. I needed to heal my body. Ironically, Insanity Max 30 just came out. Planning on doing it after I had the baby, I immediately said that is what we are going to do. I lost all of my pregnancy weight from my 2nd baby with Insanity and T25 and it was life changing for me. And that’s exactly what I needed at the moment. 
So that’s what we did. Not having been able to work out for months prior because of my morning sickness, I was a bit out of shape . The first couple of days I cried after the workout. It was exhausting and my body seemed so foreign to me. Taking my before pictures was excruciating and I hated it. I didn't even recognize myself.
But I pushed myself. I got up, no matter what, and worked out. Some days were robotic because I couldn't even think. I just did it. And then little by little, I got stronger. Don’t get me wrong, it was never easy. But I was able to do more and more push ups each time. My max out time got longer. TWICE I made it through the entire 30 min without stopping. I started to smile again. I actually looked forward to working out every morning with my husband because I knew for at least 30 min, I didn’t have to think about anything. And we were doing this together. I knew he needed this as much as I did. 
We finished the entire program last week. And I’m thankful. I had every excuse in the world to not do anything but I made myself get up every day, even when I didn’t want to. I ended up losing only about 7 pounds but I lost over 9 inches all around and even gained 1/4 inch in my arms (from the gazillion push ups! ) I'm not at my goal weight yet but I know I can get there and I will. No, I don’t have a six pack. I’m not trying to look like a fitness model. I’m just trying to feel good in my skin again. And I think I'm achieving that. This challenge has helped me heal not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. The happiness it brought me means so much more to me than any number. 
I still struggle with our loss every day. It’s been only about 4 months and the pain is still raw. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other every day and keep going. Not just for my family but for me, too. 
So today... with some tears behind my eyes, I smile.
I encourage you to take on a challenge like I did. Just do it!! It is so worth it in more ways than one.  For more info on Insanity Max 30 : Click here Make me your coach and sign To sign up for your free membership If you're looking for a fitness program and don't know where to start, shoot me a message at cassdybvig@hotmail.com or find me on Facebook!

MORE importantly, if you ever feel like you need to talk with someone because you have lost your baby during pregnancy, I would love to direct you to some websites and Facebook groups that have helped me heal during  my loss. They have been extremely profound in my healing and I wish the same for you and your family.
Please send me a message through my Facebook at www.facebook.com/rajaangel and don't be afraid or sad. Mothers need to stick together.  Because....I have been there. 

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